should I or should I not?

[drcockroach]

Should I continue this fanic? Yes? No? Or IDK?

Magalie: FIGURE IT OUT FOOL!
me: Hey don't insult me
Magalie: why not? Your fighting with your own self
me: .......shut up......Now get back into my mind now
magali`e: fine /disappears/

ok if you have not read it yet,here it is dr-cockroach.deviantart.com/art/how-my-life-changed-ch1-151079214

-------EDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-------

ok thats! I know this one is not my best one as my others but as I said over and over but this is the last time I'm going to say this.Yes I do reread them before I post them but my computer acts like an idiot and doesn't check to see if I write the words write and its hard for me to give my characters make them feel real and to stop the habit in writing in script form. Its been so stressful when I posted this chapter because it was near my finals for first semester at school and my mom stresses me out to pass all my classes that when I was writing this during break and lunch that I my grammar personality didn't go on and that my dyslectic side of me went on and messed me up (I'm not dyslectic but I have a personality that make me act like one)

[Baycrum]

I really don't know,maybe if you change the format of the talking...

[Twitter Cordova]

Maybe I can try to help. Do you have writer's block that's keeping you from contining your fanfic?

[drcockroach]

no.I've been writing chapters for it and I'm writing ch 6 for it but idk if anyone likes it. lately people have been putting me down and been saying that my art and stories suck and that I should give up and stop posting them on da or anywhere else

[Blackboxx]

I'm going to be critical here, but by no means is this a slam against you or your creative outlet. I hope I can find the words to say this in a manner that will actually be helpful.

To answer your topic question, no, you should not continue if this is the way you plan to make the entire story. Though, I don't mean you should give up. I am suggesting that you take a different approach. It will most likely require a rewrite, but it will be better in the end.

There were several issues I saw. First, we have no idea who your character is. I'm guessing that she's pretty much a reference to yourself; similar personality, interests, schedule, etc. If not, then please excuse my assumption. We don't get to know the character when she's suddenly turned into a monster. That's a pacing problem combined with no emotional attachment on the part of the audience.

A better way to go about it is to show the character in their element. Instead of just saying the day was typical, show it. Take the audience on a detailed tour. What's her morning routine? Don't just say she wakes up and takes a shower, eats breakfast, then goes to school/work. Let us see how long she ambles around before she bumps into something and truly wakes up. Let us know how messy her hair is (for that matter, make her describe herself as she looks in the mirror so we know what she looks like). Let us know that she lives in a run down apartment that takes forever to run hot water for a shower. Let us know that she burnt her waffles (again). Stuff like that. There's a lot of things you can make your character do that will inform the audience of who she is and why we should care.

How does she get to school (public transportation, walking, personal transport)? What does she see when she travels back and forth? You don't need to describe everything, mind you, just the things that stand out to her (things that interest her, things that scare her, annoy her, etc.). What are her classes like? What are the fellow students like? What does she do afterwards? Work? Eating habits? All these things can define what an average day is. As it stands, all we know is she spends time on the internet and listens to music. It's just not enough to get attached because pretty much everyone does that.

Once normalcy is established, we can empathize with a sudden and drastic reversal of fortune. The things you show your character doing (and more importantly, enjoying) are now out of the realm of possibility. She must now adapt to a new life, which I'm guessing is the theme you're trying to develop, judging by the title (that may need work also, but that is a minor detail). Just be careful not to overdo it. Moping around is a natural reaction to being removed from one's comfort zone, but it can grate on the audiences nerves if it's predictable and prolonged. Show the struggle, but also show the progress. It should be gradual, just like getting to know the character.

Second, you seem to pull too many details from reality. Mentioning Deviant Art, Ipods, and Phineas and Ferb sound like you're reaching out to their fanbases instead of trying to establish your own. There's nothing wrong with a few references, but try to use your own material. Make stuff up if you have to. Let's pretend your character likes a band called Hubcaps N' Wheelz (hopefully that name isn't taken). To get in touch with the character, describe the style of music this band plays (while avoiding things like "their songs sound like [real life band name], but with more guitars"), and why she likes it. Say for instance, the acoustic guitar they use is simple yet serene, and when she sings along (in private so no one else could make fun of her), her voice harmonizes with the lead singer's very well. They play in a pitch that's not too high, and not too low for her to hit every note.

Third, there are some grammar and spelling mistakes. I hate to be so picky about things like that, but it can be very distracting. Try reading some of your sentences aloud to identify what I'm saying.

"because of all the classes were canceled"
"as I grasped my stomach as I started to his in pain "
"Moze was listening to her iPod and text to some of her friends on her cellphone."

If you haven't already, I would advise you to take a writing course. They can give you a foundation for avoiding, and fixing oddities such as these.

One final thing, which is really more of a suggestion rather than a critique. HUMOR. Real life is full of ups and downs. We really enjoy the ups, so don't be stingy with them. Think about what you find funny, and try to figure out why. If it's mainly for visual reasons (facial expressions, tone of voice, etc.) then that will be a challenge to utilize. But it is NOT impossible.

I must repeat that I do not intend to be negative. I know the feeling of pouring your heart into a creative work only to see people tear it to shreds. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you should quit. Yes, some people are more gifted in some aspects, but creative expressions can be developed in anyone.

And that TomNook person is a tool. Just ignore him/her.

[mvafan4life]

pardon my language, but forget what these naysayers are saying

you're fanfiction and oc's are amazing and awesome!

you should continue it!!!

[hobbesrox13]

CONTINUE IT SIS!!!!

[katpurplewolf]

I'm sorry, Kg, but I completely agree with what Blackboxx has said. Be more descriptive, and detail in it... act as if we're all there with your character.
And he's also right when he says we have no idea who your character is. If you're trying to attract new readers to your work, give a little background to your character.
Oh! And try change the format of your writing... though you probably haven't bothered to look at my style, I write like the way you would read a novel. It's all right to write like that when you're doing an RP, but when you want us to take you seriously as a writer you should consider a different style. And the grammar errors are another thing. Before you post, don't you reread your work for mistakes? You have to make sure you're writing correctly or else we won't follow along very well.
And that TomNook dude is just lookin' for some pity. Ignore it.

[drcockroach]

(to kat)
thanks sis..........I think and to answer your questions is yes I do reread them before I post them but my computer acts like an idiot and doesn't check to see if I write the words write and its hard for me to give my characters make them feel real and to stop the habit in writing in script form. Its been so stressful when I posted this chapter because it was near my finals for first semester at school and my mom stresses me out to pass all my classes that when I was writing this during break and lunch that I my grammar personality didn't go on and that my dyslectic side of me went on and messed me up (I'm not dyslectic but I have a personality that make me act like one)

[Baycrum]

Yeah i agree with Blackbox.(I myself have these problems in my fanfic.)
Hope you can fix this.

[drcockroach]

Baycrum:
actually I just gave up on it. Seeing that no one wants to read it, how people keep saying its useless and more I just stopped writing it. I'm going to delete it soon and probably all my other fanics as well. I just don't see the point any more to keep writing or drawing......