Things Not To Do At Area 52

[Crazyrabidpony]

Yes, Kingdragon, sinse your last entry was inappropriate, I removed it. Please refrain from using such material. There are, like, children here.

[Kingdragon]

Okay, I'll tone it down.

33. Do not switch the coffee to decaf.
33b. Or half-caf
33c. Or any form of flavoured coffee.
33d. Or hot chocolate.
33d. Look, I know who who’s doing it, and if it doesn’t stop, I will let Monger know. Hee is not happy about caffeine withdrawal.
33e. Monger, it was Link.

34. The list is not to be used to get revenge.

35. “I wonder what this does,” is not something you want to hear.
35b. Nor is “Hey! Look what happens when I do this!”

36. In reports, the Area is to be referred to as Project Red Sky not “The Rabbit Hole”, “Wonderland”, “The Bomb Pit,” “The Ninth Circle of Hell,” "Starfleet Academy," "Stargate Command," or anything else of that nature.

37. Do not tease the MPs.

The MPs at Area 52 seemed to work harder than anyone else. It was difficult to keep complete order in such stressful environments, and the officers assigned to the task should be supported in their role.

38. Reports are not to start “Once upon a time”.
38b. Or “Early one morning”.
38c. Stores have now received a standard report form with a suitable opening sentence. Repeat offenders will be issued these forms and their names made public.

39. Paper cuts from writing reports do not count as combat injuries and do not qualify for hazard pay.

40. Skippy is not your hero.
40b. No, really.

41. Deliberately pursuing a course of action in order to appear on the list will result in one week of unpaid leave.

Monger had the distinct feeling that fewer odd events were going to be officially reported from now on. He could live with that. After all, plausible deniability was a wonderful thing.

42. There is no rule 42.

43 For the safety of everyone on base, please stay in the infirmary until the Doctor says you can leave.

John just laughed, remembering a terrified General Monger hiding from his “booster shot” after breaking out of the infirmary 3 days early.

44. If your computer gets a virus, assume it may be alive.
44b. Or possessed.
44c. Better safe than sorry.

45. Newbie’s should listen to veteran base personnel.

46. Quit traveling through time. It creates too much paper work.

Thankfully Susan and John got back from 1957 without causing irreparable damage to the timeline.

47. If someone tells you to go get some sleep, do it.

48. Please stop asking to rub John's head for good luck.

It was an unfortunate effect of blowing up another mother-ship. Once Ginormica started doing it, it just caught on.

49. Don't break a doo-hicky in Doctor Cockroach's Lab.

50. Keep your victory dance urges to yourself.

51. “Do you want the official version or the real version?” is not something you should ask your superiors when asked how your last mission went.

This rule seemed to apply to everyone on base.

52. Some things are too good to be true.

53. Think before you act.
53b. There is a fine line between heroic and stupid.
53c. Besides, if you die, then you can’t gloat.

54. If someone reappears after being dead for any given amount of time don’t scream out “Does no one stay dead around here?”

55. Wheelchairs are not to be used for jousting.

56. “Cookie Dough” is not how you describe the progress of a project.
56b. Be specific.
56c. Because chances are the world may depend on it!

Doctor Cockroach had recently taken to answering “it’s not cookies yet, still just dough” when some one asked how his latest project was coming. No one really understood him until Link found season seven of Buffy the Vampire Slayer hidden in his desk drawers.

57. Don’t try and black mail your team mates with incriminating photos.
57b. Chances are they have worse ones than you.
57c. And if they don’t, chances are the people in charge of security camera do.

58. Serena's motto is not “Fight until your dying breath. Then get resurrected and keep fighting. Repeat until victorious.”

59. Sock puppets are not an appropriate way to recount a mission.

60. Truth or Dare is not allowed to be played on base.

61. On Friday the 13th, please keep your good luck charms to a minimum.

62. Do not alter the fabric of reality.

63. Only Ginormica is allowed to call Carson her "Yummy Supersoldier Snicker Doodle."

Girls' poker night just got out of hand.

64. The shipping wars end NOW!

Apparently a favorite topic of gossip was the 'supposed' love triangle between Susan, John, and Serena. They considered it a mild annoyance until there was an all-out brawl in the commissary on Valentine's Day.

65. Don't take the last donut.

Everyone soon found out how scary a Donut-deprived Monger could be.

66. Alternate universes are weird.

The genderflipped one was odd. The one where they were all superheroes was cool. The one where Susan had ended up married to Derek was nightmare inducing.

[Twitter Cordova]

Wow those were some long and silly lists. Lemmie see if I can try to top that. It won't be a lot but I can do my best.

67. Never called Dr. C a quack!
He gets fissy angry and snaps back if you try doing that on purpose or for fun.

68. Don't ever give B.O.B. a hug.
He swallows you whole by accident if you're ever near him for a big embrace. Susan's mom and Derek were the first victims to be a part of it.

69. Never count on Insectosaurus to help you cheat when playing a game of cards.
That's Link's job. Insecto is like his lucky charm to him ^^

70. Never sneak up behind Dr. Cockroach
He screams like a little girl if you do that lolz!

[mvafan4life]

i'm going to be hated for this but...

71. Don't Talk about Fight Club
a. Monger will think the monsters are having illegial fights and will have lockdown activated
b. Link lost in a fight there and is irritated whenever someone mentions it
c. Bob...well... bob just can't know or he'll talk about it even though he doesn't know a single thing about it

[Twitter Cordova]

LOL! Fight Club? Like the Brad Pitt movie? Good one!

72. Don't ever refer to Ginormica, The Missing Link, B.O.B. and Dr. Cockroach as those things from those old classic horror movies such as Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, Creature from The Black Lagoon, The Blob and The Fly.

It gets them really offended and confused.

[Kingdragon]

73. Oops is a four letter word.

Some people just didn't have survival instincts in dealing with Dr. Cockroach.

74. Don't set classified footage to music and post it on the internet.

People had to admit that the video set to Michael Jackson's "Thriller" was cool. It actually crashed Youtube.

75. Don't try to steal clothes from the laundry room.
75b. Especially Ginormica's.

The last one to try was hung from a flagpole clad in his underwear and painted like a flag.

76. Be careful what you eat.

Godzilla ate some strange, genetically-modified, giant, maneating plant. "Stoned" was the best way to describe his following actions.

77. Mind Control is not to be used for 'comedic potential.'

Serena decided to kidnap some meerkats from a zoo, mind control them to surround a sleeping link, and stand on their hind legs and nod their heads when he woke up. He screamed like a little girl.

78. Don't haze the newbies.

The latest monster, Katie Thomas aka Morph, woke up to a shaving cream bomb in her bathroom. Elsewhere, John hummed the Mission Impossible theme song.

79. Ginormica is not a Zentraedi.
79b. Or a Meltlandi.

The Robotech and Macross fans were really enjoying the fact that they had an actual giantess in existence. Unfortunately they couldn't convince her to enter any costume contest at any anime convention.

80. Whoever taught B.O.B. rickrolling will suffer.

This became the one thing that he just would not forget.

[laura111]

81. Don’t touch anything.

The damaged area took months to rebuild.

82. Don’t speculate weather or not Dr. Cockroach and Susan are dating. Especially not in the same room.

Luckily, bob is indestructible and survived.

83. Don’t speak foreign languages in front of bob. He’ll spread rumors about what he thought uou said. Lets face it, sometimes words in other languages sound like different words in English.

Apparently, the grape was named Lukin. No one understood this at all.

84. Don’t gossip in foreign languages. Chances are, Dr. Cockroach will hear you (and he will most likely speak that language) and the secrets out.

They never spoke Russian again. Not after the secret got out about two of the MPs braces getting stuck together when they were kissing.

85. Don’t give bob caffeine. Or sugar. Or anything of that sort.

Just – don’t, okay?

[mvafan4life]

This one involves my OC paulankey

86. don't test if since paulankey is part fabric, he is easilly flammable...any part of his fabric body + kerosene + a flame DO NOT MIX!!!!

thankfully, Susan was able to stop Bob from testing it while Paulankey was snoozing in the main room after lunch...link had taken a front row seat on top of insecto and wasn't going to stop bob...paulankey woke up to susan talking to bob, who was holding a tub of kerosene in one hand and a match in the other and the confusion only began...

[drcockroach]

87.Do not call Transformica by her Real name,only if you know how to say her name right.She prefers to be called Kg or Mag's.

The reason why she hates her first name is because no one can say it right and she gets anoyed every time when she tells them how to say it right

88. Never ever ask Magalie or link who won in the sparing mach against each other

Magalie beet Link and Link gets P****d every time he gets reminded but is still in love with Magalie after that match

[Baycrum]

89.Don't call Paulines voodoo "Dolly magic"
It may become Youdoo.
89a.Or Steal them
Trust me she has all of you in her just-in-case box of dol--*shot by a needle!?*

[drcockroach]

90.Do not and I repeat...DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!! Prank Magalie when she is asleep.She's ok of being prank at, but do it to her when shes asleep and you'll regret even doing it to her when she's asleep.

The last time some one (or should I say one's) tried to prank her by dieing her hair bright pink and giving her a Mohawk was punched and kicked in certain areas.Lucky for one he was indestructible,and as for the other two...well one was lucky that he had a hard exoskeleton but faced the same pain as the other one when they got kicked.

[monsterfan]

91. Never give Susan too much candy or any at all.
It took three days to convince her that the world WASN'T made out of candy and that she shouldn't be eating buildings.

92. Never let Dr. C. play Destroy all Humans.
Those workers never saw the real Zap-o-matic coming.

93. Never tell Bob to jump into Susan's coffee.
It took us three weeks to finally get him out of Susan by going inside her with a ship.

94. Never let Susan watch a sad movie. ever.
Last time, Area 52 was flooded by her tears from watching a romance flim.

95. Never talk about Derek around Susan, or any of the monsters for the matter.
The last time a worker talked about him in front of Susan, Derek was found hanging from a tree, in the middle of the ocean the next day.

[mvafan4life]

Involves Paulankey's and Susan's Babies!

96. Don't fall asleep in the playpen with Sarah...
Dr.C did and he woke up being used like a lollipop!

97. Don't play peek-a-boo too much with Jimmy
Link did and when he did it one too many times, Link got string shot into his eyes and was running around the facility yelling for an hour before Dr.C could get him to stop running around to get the string out!

[monsterfan]

98. Never lie that your dating Susan, even if it's for a joke on April Fools Day.
That worker is going to have nightmares about half-fish/half-apes and cockroaches for the rest of his life.

99. Never allow Dr. C. to watch Invader Zim.
He attempted at making "The Massive" which ended up with Las Vagas losing power for three months straight.

100. Never joke that the monsters are going to be locked up again and was told by the president to do it.
The president is still having nightmares when the gang arrived to personally put him out of his misery.

[mvafan4life]

101. DON'T Let Susan glomp you!!!!!
Thankfully Paulankey can heal quickly and so it wasn't as bad as when she glomped link...
talk about full body cast!